Here are 101 quotes my personal
collection to entertain you! Humor can be a tricky thing and Ive
certainly been told my particular funny bone is a bit "weird". But, I hope
some of these will make you laugh, or inspire you, or make your day a little brighter!
Reading (and re-reading) these quotes over the years has
lifted my spirits, given me perspective, and occasionally helped me get through tough
times. I hope they have the same affect on you!
Im always adding to my collection, and your
suggestions are appreciated. If you have a quote youd like to share with me, please
email it to: Coach@philiphumbert.com.
1. "I once complained to my father that I didn't seem
to be able to do things the same way other people did. Dad's advice? Margo, don't be
a sheep. People hate sheep. They eat sheep." Margo Kaufman
2. "One of the many things nobody ever tells you
about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young." Dorothy
3. "I always wanted to be somebody. Now I know I
should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin
4. "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live
long enough to make them all yourself." Unknown"
5. "Rivers know this: There is no hurry, we shall get
there some day." Winnie the Pooh
6. "Sit, walk or run, but don't wobble."
7. "The only bad thing about keeping on burning your
bridges behind you, is that the world is round."
8. "You will do foolish things, but do them with
9. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Then give up. There's no use being a fool about it."
10. "The trouble with the rat race is that even if
you win you're still a rat." Lily Tomlin
11. "People that keep stiff upper lips find it damn
hard to smile." Judith Guest
- 12. "Its kind of fun to do the impossible."
- 13. "If you can't be a good example then you'll just
have to be a terrible warning." Catherine Aird
14. "Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you
something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."
15. "We would worry less about what others think of
us if we realized how seldom they do."
16. "If you can't be kind, at least be vague."
17. "The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment." Dorothy Nevill
18. "A woman is like a teabag you cant
tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." Nancy Reagan
19. "Fun is about as good a habit as there is."
20. "Always take the scenic route."
21. "Nothing happens until somebody sells
something." Mary Kay Ash
22. "Laughter is much more important than applause.
Applause is almost a duty. Laughter is a reward."
23. "If you want a place in the sun you've got to put
up with a few blisters." Abigail Van Buren
24. "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful."
25. "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you
gotta put up with the rain." Dolly Parton
26. "For fast acting relief, try slowing down."
27. "If your mind isn't open, keep your mouth shut
too." Sue Grafton
28. "Dance like no one's watching, love like you'll
never be hurt, sing like no one's listening, live like it's heaven on earth."
29. "He who laughs, lasts." Mary
30. "Fate keeps happening." Anita Loos
31. "Cleaning your house while your kids are still
growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." Phyllis Diller
32. "Never fear shadows; they simply mean that
there's a light shining somewhere nearby." Unknown
33. "Let us be of good cheer remembering that the
misfortunes hardest to bear are those which never come." Unknown
34. "Generally the theories we believe we call facts,
and the facts we disbelieve we call theories."
35. "When you come to a fork in the road, take
it." Yogi Berra
36. "I have a photographic memory - but it's usually
under-exposed." Marc Poulin
37. "I love the confidence that makeup gives
me." Tyra Banks
38. "It's useless to hold a person to anything he
says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office."
39. "Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving evidence of that fact."
40. "The follies which a man regrets most in his life
are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity." Helen Rowland
41. "The Definition of Maturity - The ability to
stick with a job without being supervised, the ability to carry money without spending it,
and the ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even." Abigail Van
42. "Know the difference between success and fame.
Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna."
43. "I figure that if the children are alive when I
get home, I've done my job." Roseanne
44. "If high heels were so wonderful, men would be
wearing them." Sue Grafton
45. "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't
itch." Gilda Radner
46. "If men can run the world, why can't they stop
wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose
around your neck?" Linda Ellerbee
47. "I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my
mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph."
48. "A bank is a place that will lend you money if
you can prove that you don't need it." Bob Hope
49. "I know that there are people in this world who
do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!" Tom Lehrer
50. "I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of
Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?"
51. "It is difficult to produce a television
documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted
by dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper." Rod Serling
52. "Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds,
there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."
53. "Television - a medium. So called because it is
neither rare nor well-done." Ernie Kovacs
54. "A good novel tells us the truth about its hero;
A bad novel tells us the truth about its author."
G. K. Chesterton
55. "Thus the metric system did not really catch on
in the United States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine millimeter
bullet." Dave Barry
56. "This isn't right. It isn't even wrong."
Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague
57. "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's
there to appreciate it." Franklin P. Jones
58. "Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green
meat, that's REALLY BAD for you."
59. "When you go into court, you are putting your
fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury
duty." Norm Crosby
60. "The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me
because their friends thought I didn't exist."
61. "I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places."
62. "It matters not whether you win or lose; what
matters is whether I win or lose." Darrin Weinberg
63. "Remember that as a teenager you are in the last
stage of your life in which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
64. "A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin." H.L. Mencken
65. "It ain't so much the things you don't know that
get you in trouble. It's the things you know that just ain't so."
66. "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because
you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to attack you because you're a
vegetarian." Dennis Wholey
67. "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall
for anything." Unknown
68. "When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour,
it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute...and it's
longer than an hour. That's relativity." Albert Einstein
69. "An optimist is a person who sees a green light
everywhere, while the pessimist sees only the red stoplight. The truly wise person is
colour blind." Albert Schweitzer
70. When asked what he thought of western civilization,
Mahatma Gandhi repiled, "I think it would be a good idea."
71. "The only reason some people get lost in thought
is because it's unfamiliar territory." Paul Fix
72. "The best way to predict your future is to create
73. "You can tell whether a man is clever by his
answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions." Naguib Mahfouz
74. "If we knew what it was we were doing, it would
not be called research, would it?" Albert Einstein
75. "I think the one lesson I have learned is that
there is no substitute for paying attention." Diane Sawyer
76. "A good listener is not only popular everywhere,
but after a while he knows something." Wilson Mizner
77. "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes
because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde." Dolly
78. "I want to have children, but my friends scare
me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do
anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours." Rita Rudner
79. "I think - therefore I'm single."
80. "Our struggle today is not to have a female
Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as
quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." Bella Abzug
81. "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how
to combine marriage and a career." Gloria Steinem
82. "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit
each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
83. "Good communication is as stimulating as black
coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." Anne Morrow Lindbergh
84. "Advice is what we ask for when we know the
answer but wish we didn't." Erica Jong
85. "It's the good girls who keep the diaries. The
bad girls never have the time." Tallulah Bankhead
86. "You can't fake listening. It shows."
87. "If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could
have a pretty good time." Edith Wharton
88. "The best mind-altering drug is truth."
89. "For most of history, Anonymous was a
woman." Virginia Woolf
90. "Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate
bar into four pieces with your bare hands -- and then eat just one of the pieces."
91. "It is better to be looked over than
overlooked." Mae West
92. "Creative minds have always been known to survive
any kind of bad training." Anna Freud
93. "Even cowards can endure hardship; only the brave
can endure suspense." Mignon McLaughlin
94. "To err is human, but it feels divine."
95. "Just remember, we're all in this alone."
96. "I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty.
Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches." Alice Roosevelt Longworth
97. "The difference between genius and stupidity is
that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein
98. "A year from now you may wish you had started
today." Karen Lamb
99. "Nothing makes a person more productive than the
last minute." Unknown
100. "Life is too short to be little."
101. "Always do right. This will gratify some people,
and astonish the rest." Mark Twain
Thank you for visiting! I hope youll bookmark
this page and come back regularly for another "Taste of Wry"! For a list
of 101 Inspirational Quotes, click
here, and for 101 Motivational Quotes, click here.
Most of these Quotes
have been collected and used in my FREE weekly email newsletter, TIP's,
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